Headline: STATE HIGH COURT ALLOWS TRIAL IN CHURCH-STATE CASE: THE CASE OF A FORMER MINISTER SUED OVER HIS MARRIAGE COUNSELING, Star Tribune (Minneapolis, Minn.) August 16, 2002.

The text of the article continues:

“The [court’s] unanimous decision allows Steven R. Odenthal to pursue a negligence claim against Lowell Rideout and possibly the Minnesota Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. Odenthal and his wife, Diane, sought counseling in 1997 from Rideout, their minister at the Minnetonka Seventh-day Adventist Church. At some point, Rideout and Diane Odenthal began a romantic relationship, according to court documents. Steven Odenthal and his wife later divorced, and Rideout divorced his wife and married Diane Odenthal.”

Because of their moral and spiritual authority, pastors are not allowed the luxury of having “affairs.” Affairs can happen only between equally powerful, consenting adults. When a pastor becomes romantically involved with a parishioner, it is not properly considered an affair. Instead it is a blatant breach of ethical standards. This violation of ethical standards then becomes a legal liability.

Similarly, it is not appropriate to call a romantic relationship between pastors who work together an “affair.” Using the term “affair” suggests equal responsibility for both parties. However, one pastor usually has more authority, prestige, or power than the other, and therefore is ethically obligated to set the appropriate professional boundaries. The relationship may or may not lead to legal liability, but the moral and ethical issues remain the same. And the wide extent of damage that ensues from such a relationship is difficult to exaggerate.

The victim—and the subordinate party should be seen at least in part as a victim—may experience feelings of betrayal, anger, self-blame, depression, and fear. The “junior” parties in these relationships are subsequently more vulnerable to many types of victimization, such as exploitative or abusive relationships. They are at increased risk for self-destructive behaviors such as eating disorders and substance abuse, and for sexual dysfunction. An unplanned pregnancy may lead to abortion and its aftermath. Spiritually, she or he may lose faith or feel betrayed by God.

The families of both parties are profoundly affected by the abuse. The spouses often feel humiliation, self-blame, and rage. The children are wounded. Having a role model who engages in sexual misconduct jeopardizes the children’s healthy sexuality. The pastor’s family may face significant economic loss. Spouses and children may feel let down by God. Often it seems everything they’ve been taught is hypocritical, and they may choose to leave the church.

Parishioners are also devastated. They feel betrayed by the pastor they have trusted as an example of right doing. Often they are embarrassed by the scandal. Because they do not understand the true dynamics of abusive relationships, some congregants will blame the victim, causing discord and division in the church.

The pastorate in general is another “victim” of clergy sexual misconduct. All pastors suddenly become suspect. Pastors themselves often experience a heightened sense of vulnerability when one of their own betrays the sacred trust.

Finally, the world church suffers because of clergy sexual misconduct. There are the obvious economic impacts on the church. Typical awards to victims of clergy sexual misconduct are in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. More importantly, clergy sexual misconduct mars the image of God in our church and diverts attention away from Jesus.

If we want the church to be a truly safe place for healing and growth, we must address the issue of clergy sexual misconduct. A first step toward eliminating this scandal from the church is to examine the causes of such misconduct.

Published research on the causes of clergy sexual misconduct is scant. One study (Birchard, 2000), notes three factors that ministers themselves have identified: (1) boundary ambiguity associated with the pastoral role, (2) absence of awareness training by the institution, and (3) problems and needs in their everyday lives.

Boundary ambiguity includes the idea of not knowing initially what particular activities or behaviors are appropriate with subordinates or parishioners. Clergy are often called to be a part of parishioners’ lives when they are fragile or needy. Appropriate ministry to people in this state of high emotionality requires a delicate balance of warmth, openness, and appropriate structure. Pastors can easily misinterpret parishioners’ gratitude as romantic attraction because of the intimacy of the interaction. This sense of intimacy is an intrinsic part of the helping relationship, but it can cause confusion if not correctly understood. It is always the responsibility of the person with the greatest power in the relationship to maintain appropriate boundaries. These boundaries may be emotional boundaries or physical boundaries, such as not doing home visits alone and not holding counseling sessions even in the church office unless another person is present in the building.

A second condition leading to clergy sexual misconduct is the lack of misconduct awareness training. If annual training in misconduct prevention were required of all pastors as a condition of continued employment, pastors would know which behaviors are acceptable and which are not, and they would be aware of strategies to prevent violations.

The third condition associated with clergy sexual misconduct is personal problems and needs of pastors. The human condition is naturally full of stressors: the arrival of a new baby causing loss of sleep, a wayward teenager, financial strain, illness or conflict in the extended family. To whom can the pastor go when faced with life’s “normal” difficulties, let alone issues such as feeling attracted to a parishioner? With or without administrative encouragement, pastors and laity can work together to create the support systems that pastors, like everyone else, need.

One way to conceptualize the everyday needs pastors experience is to use Maslow’s framework of human motivation. Once basic physiological needs are met, Maslow suggests safety needs become the crucial motivators of human behavior. This includes both physical and psychological safety needs. Do pastors have a safe place to be themselves? As public figures, pastors must be able to handle frequent criticism. However, too much criticism, even if “constructive,” leaves pastors vulnerable because of their need for “safety.”

The next level of need is love, belonging, or intimacy. Because of their unique leadership role, pastors may have a more difficult time achieving appropriate love and intimacy in their homes. Congregants sometimes feel entitled to telephone their pastor at home any time of the day or night. When pastors share this view, it leaves the pastor vulnerable. There is no protected time for personal devotion (decreasing intimacy with God), for family life (decreasing intimacy with their children) and even personal and sexual intimacy with their spouse. Under these conditions, pastors may find their greatest opportunity for intimacy with church members or coworkers. This is obviously dangerous.

Pastors can protect their intimate time with God and family by announcing the hours when they would welcome phone calls and by using answering machines to screen calls. Pastors should make no apologies for taking care of themselves and their families in these ways.

Perhaps the single most effective strategy for preventing sexual misconduct is for pastors to take a searching inventory of their primary intimate relationship. No matter how scary or painful the venture, pastors must ask themselves: “Has the spark long gone out of my relationship? Are sexual encounters with my spouse few and far between?” If the answer is Yes, the pastor is at risk. If pastors cannot “fix” this lack of intimacy themselves, they should get professional help. A licensed counselor, social worker, or psychologist can help them work through difficult issues. Even if the pastor’s spouse is not willing to go to counseling, the pastor should still go. In time, the initially reluctant spouse will generally respond to counseling efforts and will eventually go. It is important for the pastor to be absolutely honest with the therapist. They must address any sexual addiction issues, including pornography, straightforwardly.

When intimacy needs have been met, Maslow theorizes that self-esteem needs become the most important motivators. One practical way for church members to help their pastor avoid clergy sexual misconduct is to express appreciation. People need messages about both the person they are (being loveable) and the things that they do (being capable) to raise self-esteem. Offer messages to your pastors about their positive traits and about their performance. To avoid romantic connotations of these messages, have more than one person sign notes offering affirmation. Pastors themselves can foster a culture of appreciation by affirming their members.

Maslow argues that if a person’s needs are met this far up the pyramid, they may move on toward self-actualization, being the best they can be. Sexual misconduct becomes unlikely because the other needs are taken care of and the person has the ability and desire to operate with the highest ethical and moral standards.

Scripture supports the idea that with God’s intervention, we can be more than we envision. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20 (NIV). Having the highest ethical and moral standards certainly fits within God’s plan. Clergy sexual misconduct does not. We can all help to prevent clergy sexual misconduct and must play a part in its confrontation. We must work together as church members, church administrators, and individual pastors to create safe churches in which to worship, praise, heal, and grow.

Dr. René Drumm is chair of the Department of Social Work and Family Studies at Southern Adventist University, in Collegedale, Tenn. She is currently doing research on domestic violence in the Adventist church.

Reference: Birchard, T. “Clergy sexual misconduct: frequency and causation.” Sexual and Relationship Therapy, (15) 3, 2000.