Why should anyone limit themselves so narrowly to only look at other Adventists for a potential mate? Is it because there are no good, honest and loving Christians elsewhere? Or is it an assumption that all Adventists are the only good, honest and loving Christians? Are SDAs the only Christians in the world? How narrowing.

I've known a lot of happy couples where one was not an Adventist and they have managed very nicely, thank you. In the "old days" when men were the breadwinners and the women were the homemakers, he controlled the purse and often her, also.

Today, with women much freeer both financially and otherwise, no future spouse would be considered if he or she made certain religious or other contstraints on the other's conscience. One happy couple, celebrating their 10th anniversary this week, have a different story. She had decided not to marry until she found Mr. Right and was fully capable of being self-supporting in her chosen profession. He respected her ideals and being a former and non-practicing Catholic (parochial school was a wonderful innoculation), he accompanies her to SS where he is a great help with the children, and to all the SDA church activities in which he greatly enjoys. They make the Sabbath a happy family day, taking their child waterskiing or snow skiing after church, attending a good movie or play, and it is a delight, not a burden.

Of course a long courtship (they were in their early 40s when they married), but maturity and long conversations left no unanswered questions about religion, ideologies, and things that mattered to each of them.

In short, all the best men or women are not by any means to be found within Adventism. The divorce rate is no different for religious people than non-religious. Keep that in mind. BTW, the couple I wrote about met through a mutual friend and became a "matchmaker." There are a lot of things worse than being single--ask your very unhappily married friends.

Anonymous is truely on to something. There are plenty of Seventh-day Adventists, even those who don't show off to the world how poius they claim to be, who don't have happy marriages.

Were your parents Seventh-day adventists and were they happily married? There are other good hearted Christians and non-Christians who have blessed marriages together.

I do agree with anonymous about your poor assumption about Adventists being the only good Christian group. Catholic and Adventist marriages do work out and so do Adventist and Methodist, Baptist and even Adventist and Hinduism/Islam works out well too. It's all about quality of life, not your spouse's religion and there are plenty ( i'm sorry a multitude) of unhappy Seventh-day Adventist marriages that you ordain was arranged by God.

Please don't take this as an attack, this is sheer opinion. God loves all people not just Seventh-day Adventists and he would support all marriages since he LOVES ALL PEOPLE, no matter what the religious views are of both husband and wife.

"I do agree with anonymous about your poor assumption about Adventists being the only good Christian group."

Excuse me? Are you reading the same blog I'm reading? I saw nowhere Shayna claiming Adventism as having any superiority complex in the marriage arena.

Regardless of which set of denominations spouses eventually join in matrimony, Shayna is looking beyond the lines and calling young people to a Higher Standard --to put aside addictive dating patterns, and get back to basics--seeking the Word and God in the process first, and being rewarded with their spouse through their surrender. It's a question of "what's your priority?" not exclusivity or favoritism to a particular denomination.

Also, it's natural for Adventists to culturally identify with their own in the dating arena during the SDA college years. There's no putdown here. What parent of my generation (I'm a Gen-Xer) didn't want their kids marrying another Adventist, as they did? Sometimes it's easier to find someone who shares your religious core values (Sabbath, etc.) than have to "convert"" or "rewire" someone to "practice" your set of customs and beliefs, only to learn later that he/she wasn't really into it for themselves.

Marcel Schwantes

Online Editor, Adventist Today

I agree with Marcel. Shayna is not saying that Adventists are superior to other Christians. There will be people of multiple religions saved by Jesus upon his return. She is writing about what God says on finding a spouse. I find it amusing that many of the comments made have nothing to do with what the article was about.

As an Adventist, I believe that another Adventist will provide the best fit as a spouse. I want someone who has the same morale system and beliefs as I do. It is intuitive that another Adventist would have the most similar beliefs and morals as I do. Having someone with the same beliefs allows for lifestyles that are easier to match. If you both worship on Sabbath, it will be easy to keep that going when you are married. If you both don’t eat pork, it will be easy to stock the fridge with food that you both eat. If you both pray every day, it will be easier to keep that going with a prayer partner. It will also be easier to raise and train kids if you both have the same belief system.

Shayna also mentioned that just because a person says they are Adventist does not mean they have a relationship with God. I need a spouse who has a true relationship with God, regardless of what day they worship or what they eat.

Even within Adventism, I would look for someone whose beliefs are the most closely aligned with mine. The bottom line is although you don’t need to be in the same religion to have a happy marriage, it does make it easier. If you both put God first and each other above yourself, then you will have a happy marriage. The key is to seek God first, and then everything else will fall into place.

And what is God saying about finding a spouse. Must've missed it in my Bible Docs class. Oh, it was that we should not be unequally yoked to unbelievers? Well, when that was written, it was directed to Christians yoked with pagans, not Christians with Christians. It has been given a unique Adventist interpretation that was never intended. Not the first time SDAs have given a unique biblical interpretation.

Although I agree with the "unequally yoked" passage being written about unbelievers, it doesn't negate anything that the blogger said. It is just practical to want another Adventist as a spouse if you are an Adventist. If you look for another Adventist, you will already have a number of things in common, right off the bat. As mentioned in the comments before, it will also make raising kids easier. The name of the blog was "On where to find an Adventist spouse", not "On where to find a spouse (Adventists only)".

Anonymous #1,

Thank you for commenting.  However, please note that nowhere in the blog do I suggest that anyone should "limit themselves" by looking only to other Adventists to marry.  In fact, in the second to last paragraph, I state, "just because a person claims to be Adventist does NOT mean that he or she has an active relationship with God."  The following sentence in that paragraph then entreats readers to weigh the spirituality of their partners above the religious title, such as "SDA," they may give themselves.  Although I understand your belief that there are other "good, honest and loving Christians" to marry, many Adventist young people--including myself--desire to marry another Adventist.  This blog was meant to address that desire, not to advocate or refute the validity of it.

As for the remainder of your comment, I'm not exactly sure what relevance being a breadwinner has to do with the intended message of this blog (how to find an spouse).  I think you may have meant to imply that whoever controls the finances traditionally has controlled the religious beliefs...?  Thankfully, as you point out, this is no longer the norm in today's (American) dating culture.

Finally, in your last comment, you state, "There are a lot worse things than being single--ask your unhappily married friends."  I find this comment irrelevant also, since I neither mention having married friends, much less that they are unhappy.  The only note I make of married couples is in the third to last paragraph when I refer to them as being "smug"--the opposite of unhappy.   Again, the intended purpose of this blog was to address where to find a spouse, not to deride the marital status of anyone or to suggest that single people are unhappy being single.

Best,

Shayna Bailey

Staff Blogger, Adventist Today 

Anonymous #2,

For your question about my own parents, no, they were not both Adventists.  And no, they were not happily married before they got divorced.  Did their marriage contribute to my beliefs about marrying someone of the same faith?  Absolutely.  But, not more than my own Bible study and personal experience dating non-Adventists.  As you will note in all of my blogs, the source of any advice that I give is always rooted in the Bible.  2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us not to be married to unbelievers because when we "become one" in marriage (Genesis 2:24), it is impossible to stand united in something other than God.  Psalm 127:1 articulates this by saying, "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain."  I do believe that marrying someone with the same religious beliefs is important, but I make no statement in the blog to suggest that I ordain that all Seventh-day Adventist marriages are arranged by God.  Rather, I state in the second to last paragraph that single people should weigh the spirituality of their partner above their "Adventist" title.  I don't believe that all Adventists are model partners, or that all other Christians should be excluded from matrimony with Adventists.  I suggest a brief rereading of the last three paragraphs of the blog.  The purpose of the blog was to emphasize the importance of seeking God first in making marital decisions, not to criticize or question the validity of any other faith.

Best regards, 

Shayna Bailey

Staff Blogger, Adventist Today 

Marcel and Anonymous #3,

You are correct in identifying that I intended to highlight the importance of seeking God first in marital decisions.  Anonymous #3, I believe that your opinion is not unique among other Adventist young people (which is why I chose this topic).  I also agree that when we seek God first, everything else will fall into place. 

TO ALL COMMENTERS:

As stated in the Comment Guidelines, please do not comment as "Anonymous."  When responding to comments (as I am doing now), it is extremely difficult to designate who I am talking to amongst ten "anonymous" comments.  If you do not feel comfortable leaving your name, please use your initials or a nondescript pseudonym.

Shayna Bailey

Staff Blogger, Adventist Today 

Anonymous #4,

In response to,  "And what is God saying about finding a spouse. Must've missed it in my Bible Docs class," you must have also missed the answer to that question in the last three paragraphs of this blog.  You will note that 2 Corin. 6:14 is not even cited.  If this is "not the first time SDAs have given a unique biblical interpretation," then why not refute the Bible texts that were actually used?

Shayna Bailey

Staff Blogger, Adventist Today 

Anonymous #5,

I agree that it is as possible for two Adventists to be "unequally yoked" as it is for anyone else.  The examples that you provide are valid and this is the very reason I encourage readers to seek the spirituality of their partner above the religious label they have put on themselves (second to last paragraph).  I also agree with your statement that marriage is arduous enough without known obstacles in the way.   Thank you for commenting.

Shayna Bailey

Staff Blogger, Adventist Today 

Thanks for this!