"What is the one thing that you would say that Phil does for you only because he loves you?" 

Three months ago, I was sitting under a bright spotlight on the small stage in the fellowship hall of my boyfriend, Phil's, home church.  The theme of the monthly young adult meeting was love, and Phil and I were subbing for another couple in the "Newlywed Game," after a last minute cancellation. 

"Well, there's this show called ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8,'" I started.  "Phil hates it and I know the only reason he tolerates watching it is because he loves me." 

Granted, it was not the most shocking or intriguing answer, but for a last-minute, unmarried couple sub-answer, it was the best I could do.  And, it was true. 

Watching two parents snap at each other, while eight screaming children abounded, was just not Phil's idea of fun.  For me, watching the family had some sort of voyeuristic attraction, topped with family values I could empathize with and some of the cutest kids ever.  

For devoted Jon and Kate Plus 8 fans, and maybe even those who are not, last night's big announcement of their divorce has been the talk of the day.  TLC reported having a record 10.6 million viewers for the 9 p.m. airing. 

"I feel like their marriage unraveled so fast," I complained to Phil after the show.  "Why didn't they ever go to counseling?  Two months ago, they get caught in a media storm and then, they immediately divorce?" 

Viewers have their own opinions, based on the frequent bickering and bashing that is portrayed between the couple on their weekly show.  The couple has been on the cover of supermarket tabloids for months with Jon accused of cheating with several college girls and Kate, with her bodyguard.  What has not yet been talked about, though, is Jon and Kate's once openly Christian lifestyle.  In their book, Multiple Blessings, Kate credited her survival and miraculous delivery of healthy sextuplets to God.  She recounted the role of faith during her infertility and pregnancy and openly discussed the lessons she believed God has taught Jon and herself. 

So, how does a Christian couple know when it is the "right" time to walk away from a marriage? 

Matthew 5:32 cites marital unfaithfulness as being a reasonable circumstance for divorce.  Yet, the Bible is fraught with examples of marriages that survived in spite of the worst.  Namely, Hosea, whose wife left him to become a prostitute, accepted her back into his home after God told him to "love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raising cakes" (Hosea 3:1).  1 Corinthians 3:5 also tells us to "keep no record of wrongs" in our relationship, and Galatians 6:9 says, "do not grow wearing in doing good." 

Even in spite of the worst, there is still a godly call to forgive. 

Matthew 19:8-9 provides perhaps the clearest elaboration, saying, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.  But it was not this way from the beginning."  It was never God's plan for couples to get divorced (Matthew 19:6), but the Bible tells us that there are certain things that can destroy a marriage.  "Not keeping the marriage bed pure," (Hebrews 13:4), for example.  Or, losing sight of God as the foundation of the home (Psalm 127:1).  Or simply, choosing to stop loving each other (Ephesians 5:25). 

In the case of Jon and Kate, maybe there were also too many prying eyes and pompous opinions. 

Divorce is a sensational and controversial topic.  Even for Christians, for those whose marriages do end, we are tempted to judge them for having "not tried hard enough" (remember my first comment to Phil about counseling?), or "not bringing everything to the Lord."  Divorcees in the church are usually marginalized from church offices, excluded from events, and viewed as anomalies.  Usually, we both dig for dirt and then ostracize those who have made decisions we think we would never make ourselves.  

Unfortunately, the decision about when, or if, it is the time to divorce is just not our call to make.  Matthew 19 says that the first step in conflict resolution is going to each other.  More importantly, 2 Corinthians 5:10 says that each person is judged for their individual actions by God.  So no matter what we say or think, it is the responsibility of the members of a couple to make decisions for themselves. 

Maybe instead of a dramatic buildup to a big announcement last night, TLC should have turned the cameras off and left Jon and Kate on the interview couch to talk to each other.  It wouldn't have garnered ratings or money, but it might have saved a marriage.