My parents never had the sex talk with me. 

My mother was a well-bred, West Indian woman who never cursed, listened to anything except gospel or country music, and definitely never ever said the s-e-x word in front of me.  Sex was something talked about in abstract terms, involving body parts with very proper names by my very patient public school teachers.  Once the gory sex ed videos with dramatic re-enactments of microscopic egg fertilization had stopped, my classmates and the good producers of cable television filled in the gaps. Relatively.

I never believed that being shielded from the finer details about intimacy was detrimental, though.  As an abstinent teenager waiting for marriage, there was only so much I needed to know.  Or, so I thought. 

Three weeks ago, my roommate--a fourth grade teacher and avid Oprah fan--mentioned over dinner that Oprah's guest sexpert, Dr. Laura Berman, had encouraged parents to start having the sex talk as early as age 10, and include in-depth information about self-stimulation, including how to use a vibrator.

"What!" I had screamed in shock. 

"That's what I said!," she (a non-Adventist, less sheltered child of the ‘80's) agreed. 

Dr. Berman elaborated the importance of introducing the vibrator not just because girls are hearing about sex in other places, but according to Dr. Berman, if a girl knows that she can achieve an orgasm herself, then she can "own it and not depend on another person to make her feel that way." 

Oh, Dr. Berman, you and your masked pleas for abstinence.

On the heels of Oprah's talked about episode, though, President Obama cut the budgets that fund abstinence-only sex ed programs last week, stating that research shows that they simply don't work.  So, where does that leave us?

Perhaps, exactly where we should be.

Proverbs 22:6 reminds us that we are supposed to "train up a child in the way he should go."  James 5:16 and Matthew 18:15-19 also focus on the importance of maintaining open communication in our relationships.  It may be awkward or feel culturally unacceptable, but the burden of educating Adventist teenagers about abstinence falls to parents.  No matter how convenient school sexual education courses may be, the spiritual overtone of respect for one's body, purity, and the importance of marriage must start at home. 

Parents need to be more pro-active about addressing hard topics and being examples of how to live spirituality.  Conversely, teenagers need to be braver about asking their parents questions and be more open-minded in listening to what they say.  As far as sexual education goes, the newer generation of Adventists will also carry the burden of undoing Adventist traditions that shun discussing sex openly.  More AYS and youth programs need to be focused on purity and address practical pressures and stereotypes about sex. 

I will probably never be in favor of buying a 10 year old a vibrator, but I'll also be using the s-e-x word more--especially if it's in conjunction with G-o-d and m-a-r-r-i-a-g-e.