When I met my boyfriend, Phil, I was a full-time graduate student and had two part time jobs.  Life was busy for both of us, and often, we spent time together solely on Friday nights and Sabbaths.  As our relationship progressed, and my studies did too, travels, interviews, and studying often forced us to negotiate our time together.  Regardless of what was happening, though, we retained one tradition:  we never stopped cooking together on Friday nights.  

Then, I started medical school. 

It didn't take long for medical school to defeat me.  In fact, at the conclusion of only my first week of classes, I staggered into Phil's apartment exhausted and reeking of paraformaldehyde (from the gross anatomy lab) at dinnertime.  We ordered takeout. 

For many families in the church, having a two parent income is simply a financial necessity.  My mother, for example, worked throughout my childhood.  On Friday nights, after teaching high school all day, she would cook for Sabbath lunch, clean the house, and bathe two small children (with very long hair) before sunset.  As a single adult with no actual job (I'm not getting paid to go to medical school, friends) and no children, I have difficulty completing one of those tasks.  

Although one failed week hardly signifies a relationship stripped of all meaningful traditions and quality time, now that I have embarked on a much more demanding career path, I can't help but think of what the implications will be on my relationship.  Namely, how should couples maintain the integrity of their families when one or both members spend the majority of the time outside of the home? 

First, there has to be sacrifice and compromise in the relationship.  1 Corinthians 13 gives a very detailed explanation of love, including "not being self-seeking" (verse 5).  Ephesians 5:25-27 also says specifically, "husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Lord and gave Himself up for her."  Being sacrificial is often a lot easier said than done, but Ecclesiastes 7:9 reminds us to, "Be not quick in your spirit to become angry" and 1 Corinthians 10:24 says, "Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others."  Both members of the couple have to be willing to maintain focus on the togetherness and when time is sparse, to work together to uplift one another--instead of assigning blame or getting upset about strained schedules.  It will take creativity at times, but maintaining a semblance of family time together is essential. 

Secondly, a couple has to exercise serious time management.  In the Epilogue of the Wife of Noble Character, in Proverbs 31, the wife is noted as setting "about her work vigorously" (verse 17), but yet, also watching "over the affairs of her household" (verse 27).  Not only are we not supposed to neglect our families at home, but we are supposed to make them our priorities.  Our work outside of the home should be to benefit those we love in the home.  Although we may not be able to do everything in the specific way we may want to (like cooking, instead of ordering take out, on Friday night), our focus has to be on the time together, not perfection of execution.  We will definitely have to rearrange our schedules, but we have to prioritize appropriately.  

Finally, regardless of what career a person has, a couple should never compromise their personal devotion and family prayer time.  Matthew 18:20 says that, "wherever two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst of them."  And, since God builds the house upon which our relationships stand (Psalm 127:1), we cannot afford to neglect our worship time with Him.  When it seems like an encroachment, we have to remember that Matthew 6:33 promises that when we consciously put Him first, everything else will be added unto us. 

Someone wisely told me once that the only things we can take with us to heaven are people.  Our jobs and our finances may fight for our time and attention, but only one thing is going to matter at the end of this world.