The answer is "Yes," Christians are expected to be monogamous.  They are also expected to stay married until a spouse dies; to never divorce; to avoid premarital sex and other dictums.

However, the rate of divorce in Christians is no different than secular society.  We are all creatures of the culture in which we live.  The old antidote to disappointments:  "Lower your expectations."

Monogamy is a presupposed expectation - but the bible at no point specifically instructs us to stick to monogamy (there is some instruction from Paul regarding church elders, but it strangely specifies elders and fails to mention "ordinary" members.) 

I'm no proponent of multiple wives (I know enough to quit while I'm ahead...) but I can't, nor can anyone else, cite bible verses that specifically instruct us to stick to a one-man, one-woman marriage. 

 

There is nothing that tests our maturity like marriage. Immaturity is reflected in the primary process, "I want what I want now..." while maturity can defer wants till later.

God's marriage to Israel failed; will His marriage to the church succeed? We can marry the Bridegroom, whether or not we have a happy monogamous marriage. "The Bridegroom comes" is a historic message that didn't fit 1844. It's about separating wise from foolish who have lost focus on the Bridegroom and don't see their way to spiritual union with Him.

Richard Ruhling
www.theBridegroomComes.com

"...the Bible is replete with examples of non-monogamous relationships that had sad results (Abraham and Sarah, Solomon and his lovers, Hosea and his wife..."

The marriage of Hosea and Gomer, while beset with Gomer's protitution, was a monogamous marriage. The prophet had only one wife and, with all her infidelity, he was her only husband.

"God's love for each of us is individual and undivided..."

Think about that. Do we pattern that by sharing individual and undivided love with several lovers simultaneously?

"...the Bible is replete with examples of non-monogamous relationships that had sad results..."

If the problems in polygamous families are proof of polygamy’s impropriety, what do the problems in monogamous families prove? In fact, for every polygamous family in the Bible that had problems, one can cite several monogamous families that were far worse. Starting with the very first couple. Not only did Eve turn her back on God’s direct orders and lead her husband in that mother of all human rebellions, their first son murdered his brother out of resentment. He resented the fact that God approved the brother’s faithfulness. And what about that other family, half of which perished because they had ignored, or failed to fully comply with the warning to leave Sodom? Remember Lot’s wife?

As a woman, monogamy is a convenient assumption for this writer to embrace, as throughout the Bible's patriarchal culture it was only the men that were allowed multiple spouses. Says Paul, “The woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he liveth. ...So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress”—Romans 7:2.On the other hand, David, when he was being admonished for taking Uriah’s only wife and then arranging his death, was told by God, “...I gave thee thy master’s house, and thy master’s wives into thy bosom... and if that had been too little, I would have given unto thee such and such things.”—ii Samuel 12:8. It seems clear from this reprimand that David’s adultery lay, not in his having several wives, but, “...because thou hast... taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife.” (v. 10).

Of course, in discussions like this, little regard is given to the Bible's ethical evolution in which inbreeding and polygyny were accepted norms for significant periods of time. For Adam's immediate family, inbreeding was the only marital option. But it continued to be legitimate all the way down to Abraham, and to a somewhat lesser degree to Jacob who married his cousins.

Should the church outlaw divorce?  At one time, it did.  Today, serial monogamy is practiced to the same extent in the church as non-church members.

Some have satirically suggested that in answer to the legalization of gay marriage, that we make divorce illegal.  Since the consistent refrain directed against gay marriage is its threatening heterosexual marriage.  The real threat to heterosexual marriage is divorce with 50% of all marriages now ending in divorce, how can homosexual marriages possibly be a threat to heterosexual masrriages?

Rather than polygamy, which was the usual practice during biblical times, moderns have simply practiced it by marriage, divorce, remarriage, divorce.  How can one be worse than the other?

"Rather than polygamy, which was the usual practice during biblical times, moderns have simply practiced it by marriage, divorce, remarriage, divorce.  How can one be worse than the other?"

Excellent question, Elaine. In fact, in many cases polygyny appears to have been the more stable paradigm.

Please enlighten me.

Polygamy:  The state of or practice of having more than one wife, husband or mate at a single time.

 Polygny:  The condition or practice of having more than one wife or female mate at a single time.

 Either is defined as having more than one mate at a time, although the latter is limited to more than one female. 

Either way, does the Bible ever condemn the very common practice of polygamy?  Where?

Elaine, no one is more cynical than I about the modern institution that still insists on calling itself "marriage." 

Nevertheless, it is not now true, nor has it ever been true, that 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  In some years it is true that the "divorce rate" is 50%, but this only means that for every 100 people that got married that year, 50 got divorced that year.  After no-fault divorce came into effect, in the early 70s the divorce rate skyrocketed, but peaked in 1979.  But since there were already alot of stable old marriages established before then which have never ended (my parents have been married for 56 years), the total percentage of marriages ending in divorce has lagged considerably.  So it isn't true historically that 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  Of all people who have ever been married, only about 35% have ever been divorced.  Alot of people think that the percentage will continue to rise in the next 10 or 15 years to about 43%.  But technically your chances of staying married til death do you part are better than 50/50.

There's a discussion here:  http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/divorce.htm.

 

 

One can quible whether the "divorce rate" should be applied to marriages (as Elaine stated) or to individuals. Your arguments are not consistent, David. If 50% of marriages can end within one year, surely that number creeps upward in ensuing years. The divorce rate varies among different sources (take your pick!) and for first, second, and third marriages (50%, 67%, and 74%, respectively, in one source; 41%, 60%, and 73% in another source). Here is but one of many useful sources of information:

http://www.divorcerate.org/

But bear in mind that "marriage" and "divorce" are only legal terms in any use of statistics. Today, many of our citizens put off marriage or abandon it altogether by entering a marriage-type relationship of living together. Many such relationships also end (perhaps a much higher percentage than those legally bound in a marriage), with emotional and financial consequences every bit as painful as divorce.

Whether the divorce rate is equal in both Christian and non-Christians, it is still true that so many couples are living together without making their cohabitation legal, and has become so common that either we accept it or fight it unsuccessfully.

For centuries, perhaps millennia, neither the bride nor groom had much choice as the parents arranged their unions.  Even today in much of the world this is the usual practice. 

The legality of marriage is the provenance of the states in the U.S.  Only if the couple wish a religious ceremony does the state allow the clergyman to act for the state in signing the legal state document.  Religion can decide whether a marriage should be performed in their respective churches, but religion should stay out of the state's legalizing marriage.

The average couple marrying today have not been virgins:  that is a fact.    Also, the average age of marriage is 25 and older, and to expect virginity at this age is to be thwarted in such unrealistic expectations.  If the church is not questioning a couple before marriage, it should not question them about their marriage or its dissolution.  These are private matters and no one, not even church authority should interfere in a couple's private life.

I do believe that monogamy is God's plan, and it is attainable.  If we are Christians, we are to follow the pattern of Christ.  In the article, it is clear to me that monogamy was God's plan, as described in Genesis.  Also, in 1 Timothy, we see that bishops were to have but one wife.  In Titus, we also see that elders were to have but one wife.  If we love him, we will keep his commandments.  "Though shalt not commit adultery." 

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