In life, there are some lessons that are simply learned the hard way.  Appropriate break up etiquette is usually one of them. 

Shortly after I graduated from college, I met and started dating a man who, for many reasons, I shouldn't even have been entertaining thoughts about.  The hows and whys of how we came to commence a relationship are not as important as the fact that after two amorous, perfect dates, the relationship that had not yet begun, ended. 

I was hurt and confused and doing what an immature, emotionally jilted girl would do, I took to my (personal) blog with a fierce vengeance.  Without confronting my love interest about dubious aspects of information he had provided about himself, I relayed said information straight to the internet.  And called him a liar. 

I felt safe and entitled in my actions, knowing that the only people reading my blog were sympathetic friends and strangers who were following my life.  Even though the love interest had the blog address, I didn't think he was thinking about me, much less still reading. 

I was wrong. 

Within hours of posting the blog, his name appeared in my email Inbox with a message that read, 

"Thanks for the mention on your blog.  I think that calling me a ‘liar' was a bit much, though.  I never meant to hurt you." 

I remember the heart-thumping shock that came over me as I stared at my computer screen, hands shaking, and cold sweat beading on my neck. 

I wish I could say that what followed was a well-written apology, followed by an immediate withdrawal of a certain inappropriate rant from cyberspace.  But that would have been too easy.  Without considering his last statement, I focused on the first two and imagined him saying them with sarcasm. 

Angry words and emails were exchanged.  One of us was judged for past actions and the other was accused of misrepresenting her faith.  Years after I ceased to know where he was living or what he was doing, I still regretted what transpired as a result of that first ill-conceived blog entry. 

Some life lessons are learned the hard way. 

I focus more on building and preserving relationships on my AToday blog, but when it comes to ending relationships, the Bible is equally versed in guidelines to protect and help us.  

First, Matthew 18: 15-19 tells us that the first step to resolving any conflict is to speak to the person alone.  When it comes to ending a relationship, being alone allows us to voice our concerns in a venue that respects privacy and is conducive to active listening.  More importantly, it eliminates the temptation we might have, when provided with an audience, to slander or humiliate someone because we know we will be receiving validation. Alone time is valued in the Bible as a sacred honor, as Jesus often retreated alone to pray to His father and instructed us to go to our own prayer closets to consult with God alone (Mark 6:46).  

Secondly, we need to listen to what our significant other has to say, in addition to jumping in to tell them what went wrong.  The former may not always be possible, especially if one or both people are unwilling to communicate, but the end of a relationship can be a valuable time to learn from our mistakes.  In order to achieve this, we have to be honest about our own failures and accept how we may have contributed to the demise of the relationship.  This is the only way to introspectively amend what we may have done wrong and to commit to changing our behaviors the next time. 

Finally, we have to remember that isolated behaviors in times of hurt can have long-lasting repercussions.  It is for this reason that Ephesians 4:26 says, "In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."  Regardless of how we feel at the end of the relationship, it is important to remember that at some point, we cared a great deal about the person we are ending a relationship with.  Hurt dissipates over time, but gossip, public humiliation, and even lying all have the potential to immortalize it unnecessarily.  

Breaking up is not easy, but 2 Corinthians 12:9 reminds us that God's grace is sufficient for us.  Our only responsibility is to admit our mistakes (James 5:16), be respectful, and then, to walk away.  In many cases, resolution is not possible, but James 5:16 also reminds us that the prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective.  Even if praying is all that you can do, trust that doing so will help to keep you focused, grounded, and controlled, so that you can grieve through the situation healthily and limit your regrets afterward.